Before we even get into this & the hatemail starts warming up.  I love both Linux & satire.  Please adjust accordingly.  :)

Watch the LXer feed for a while & you'll start to see a pattern after a few months.  After a couple years, it'll start to annoy the buhjeebus outta ya.  Guess where I am in this process!  It's as if the FLOSS blogosphere is a perfect example of the "Zebra" demotivator poster:  when people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.  So here's my top 10 list of things Linux doesn't need:

1.  Top ten lists.  Hey, look at me!  I learned a base ten numbering system and I know how to brainstorm!  Fiddley dee.

2.  How to convert your girlfriend/grandma/neighbor/goldfish to use Linux.  How many times do we need to read this almost verbatim exact same article?  Maybe this advice isn't working, or we just haven't tried USING it.   (let the record show that I'm guilty of the latter ;-P ).

3.  Lists of reasons why Linux is/isn't ready for the desktop.  What is this, the OS nazi?  All those people who do/don't use it must then be complete goobers.

4.  Justifications why this will/won't be The Year of The Linux Desktop.  Oh boy, pundits.  Yawn.

5.  SCO news of any kind.  "I'm not dead yet!"  "You will be."  "I'm getting better!"  It's actually a lot like that.  Tell the corpse cart guy to whack him with the club.

6.  Cloud computing to drive open source.  Open source to drive cloud computing.  Cloud computing news to drive me crazy.  Every schmoe & his brother driving cloud computing hype into the ground.

7.  Lists of the eleventy best free _____ for Linux.  Guess what.  It's Linux.  There's lots of free stuff.  Go figure.

8.  Your distro sucks and mine doesn't.  No, YOUR distro sucks and mine doesn't.  Anyone who doesn't make the same choice as me is a MORON.  Don't forget that Linus said that ALL operating systems suck.  Any Linux user who has an NVIDIA card will certainly tell you.  And that leads me to...

9.  NVIDIA drops off the face of the planet!!!  Actually, I think we'd be well served by that.  Maybe I should have put "NVIDIA *still* hasn't released the specs for their cards so FLOSS devs can write a REAL driver" instead.

10.  Adobe Flash & Software Patents.  They suck.  Yup.

You know, it's unwise to say "I told you so" if for no other reason than for every one you got right, there's 5 you were wrong about. Or maybe that's just me.

But it's damn fun.

Syracuse, firing Paul Pasqualoni was a bad move. And I told you so.

http://www.suathletics.com/Sports/Football/2008/alltimeseasonalteamrecords.asp

Sure, I didn't really _tell_ you, didn't have the chance. But I remember the announcement, and how dumb it was. Now look what you've enjoyed since. You've had more uniform changes since Greg Robinson was hired than the number of wins he averages per season. Oh how unbearable those back-to-back 6-6 seasons must've been. Must be just as bad as Frank Solich's 9-3 season when he was last head coach at Nebraska. Hey, speaking of, I think Callihan might be looking for work! Maybe you could hire him! After all, the west coast offense is THE wave of the college football future. Just look at all those damn fools running the spread! They're gonna look foolish one of these decades, you'll see!

Damn, that was fun. For you Orange & Big Red fans out there, I don't hate. I wanna see things righted. While Nebraska looks promising, SU needs to take the SU out of suck & hire a good coach.

Moving on...

Spore. Looks. Awesome.

Gonna buy the Galactic Edition. Comes with a video from National Geographic. NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC!!! Is that not crazy? And you should take a look at the Spore creations on Youtube & Sporepedia.  I'm on there.  My creations are rather pedestrian compared to what else is out there.  BE WARNED.  There is a segment of the Spore community called Sporn, and well, when ANY person can create ANY creature ANY way they want, hehe, ya' asked for it.

SOOOOOO funny...     ... but nsfw.

micro$oft surprises even me sometimes.

It's important for you to know how much one company abuses its market position. AND how much our @#%$#^$%)@#^* government gives them a free pass on it, too. Norway's committee for voting on whether to approve micro$oft's OOXML as an International Standardizations Organization (or something like that) standard (which they've publicly said they won't adhere to anyway, is over 6,000 pages, and includes proprietary {read: secret} extensions which make the whole thing pointless), voted 21 to 2 in favor of a "no" vote. Norway's committee submitted their vote to the ISO as a "yes" vote.

WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!????

I can't make this up, peoples, look: http://www.groklaw.net/article.php?story=2008032913190768

Twenty one to fucking TWO!!! That's worse math than what got that asshat dumbya elected. And you have to realize this is the company that has AND has used a court-documented plan for "creating a stacked panel" in their favor. Nope, can't make that one up either:
http://www.groklaw.net/article.php?story=20071023002351958

Think about this kind of behavior the next time you think about plunking down...



http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16832116135

... $120 or more of your hard-earned cliche, oops, cash.

Link of the now:
http://www.getgnulinux.org/

How *DO* companies decide to continue one marketing campaign over another? Are there ratings for commercials? Does Nielsen keep statistics on what percentage of viewers hit the mute or switch to another station? Or would you have me believe that people are SO stupid as to say, "Oh, that little girl holding the 1.21 jiggawhat spotlight slurring a two syllable word into one is so cute! I'm gonna go buy one of their televisions!" "But you've already got an eleventy-threeve-foot-wide plazmagoricalprojectionucleacceleratouchscreen TV!" "Who cares? Cute preteen with poor vocal skills and an ELEPHANT, for chrissakes!!!" Well, people are pretty stupid.

This is one of life's great mysteries. Seriously, I've always wanted to know how this decision-making is driven. Cuz you can't tell me you don't think that they always get rid of some of the most clever commercials after one viewing, when they run that most annoying, shit-eating, cocksucking, buttfucker that you JUST CAN'T STAND into the ground. "Honey, did you see that commercial? No? Wait until it comes back on next break. They've run it each commercial break so far in this show." ***TIME PASSES*** "I don't believe it! They've done it every break before that one." ***MORE TIME PASSES*** "What the FUCK!?!!" And on the other hand, you've got an ad from that car company that has a car just called by the last letter in the alphabet, hawking their new mommie-van for people who are too cool for mommie-vans zigging & zagging through a city-sized labyrinth, blah blah blah blah. ALL. THE. TIME. Jesus FUCK knock it OFF GODDAMMIT!!!

Holy dogfart if I could just NOT HEAR that little bitch tell me "it's the MEERS!" even one more time...

Here's your ( relentless ;-P ) link of the now:
http://www.whylinuxisbetter.net/

What a farce.

I caught word recently about a "gas boycott" that was to be observed one Tuesday.  Holy wow fuck, that'll teach 'em.  Hit those greedy big oil bastards right in the wallet, eh?  The only thing that hit 'em in the wallet was the floor because they fell on their ass, laughing it off.

Look at it.  I'm sure you can even hear some yenta mouthing off from the seat of her Yukon XL, "we need to send these greedy big oil executives a message!  Hit 'em right in THEIR wallet for a change!  Nobody buy any gas on Tuesday!  <here's the good part>  MAKE SURE YOU FILL UP ON MONDAY SO NOBODY HAS TO BUY GAS THE NEXT DAY!  That'll show 'em!!!"

If that makes sense to you, I've got a bridge to sell you on the lower east side of Manhattan.  Better still, if you buy that bridge at twice the price, I'll give you the George Washington Bridge for FREE!!!  Seriously, you don't have to be that much more of a fool to think buying something for twice the price and getting another for free is a good deal, and the same logic applies to those who think a day when you sell no gas is a horrible day when preceded by a day when you double your sales.  Are people really that fucking stupid?  Do I really have to ask?  I hope this country notices how stupid we are sometime soon, otherwise this whole burrito is gonna blow up like the explosive projectile diarrhea burritos are known for.  "You'll swear you'll hear the refried thunder of Montezuma himself!"  </Whamco reference>

Here's the only thing that will hit the oil companies in the wallet:  buy small cars.  Big cars are what got us into the oil crisis in the 70's, small cars are what got us out.  SOSDD:  Same old shit, different decade.  Recite with me, class: "Those who don't remember the past are..."  Dumb fucks.  And don't start with me on that E85 bullshit.  Supply and demand apply there, too.  If we keep driving our living rooms around, as one so poetically put it, the corn farmer is gonna fuck us with that, too.  Or maybe it's more appropriate to say he'll let us fuck ourselves.  And we'll pay him.

Sounds like I could use a corn farm.

Link of the now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWJb2UKf9zI
Microsoft needs to do more innovative stuff like this rather than doing shit like saying, "You stole my stuff.  Gimme your lunch money or I'm telling teacher.  What stuff?  MY stuff.  It doesn't matter.  It's mine.  You stole it.  You better give me your lunch money or else you're gonna be in big trouble!"  Then again, they probably stole the idea from someone else just like everything else they've ever produced...  but that's DAMN cool anyway.

Yeah, so, this begins a bit more religiously than those who know me should expect, but the day of reckoning is coming.  Lemme 'ssplain.  I'm talking about cars, and I'm talking about US, as in the yoo ess of eh.

Remember global warming?  That artificial figment of liberal propaganda cooked up by left-wing tree hugging hippie kooks?  Welcome to global warming.  It's not only here, the scientific world is long since starting to raise a fuss about it, and the rest of the world is long since listening to them.  They're gonna do something about it, and unless this country gets on board, they're gonna bust us a new asshole (as if we don't already have plenty).  What I'm referring to is an alarmist report about global warming and climate change endorsed by hundreds of the world's countries.  The United States is conspicuous by its absence from those signing at the bottom of the report.  Why is the USA not on board with this?  It's hard to point it out specifically and definitively, and since this is not a scholarly document, I'll point out the general evidence that we've all seen over here in the new world.

Idiots.  American idiots.  That's why.

Just look at our cars.  I have a "compact" car, a 2004 model.  Picture in your minds, a compact car of 2004 right in-between a full- or mid-size 1994 model and one from 1984.  Got it?  Looks like something out of Goldilocks & the Three Bears.  Now a 1974 compact car pulls up.  No, an AMERICAN compact car.  Dwarfs them each.  It would appear that we didn't learn our lesson about buying big cars when we had the opportunity with the 70's energy crisis.  Now we're headed right back to those gigantic land barges that roamed freely o'er American gaslands for decades, unimpeded by nary a thought of gas price hikes, safety, nor the thought process.  Except...

Now we're going to be forced off the habit and into rehab, cold turkey.  The rest of the world isn't about to let us bully our arrogant, egocentric apathy to the world energy market and/or/especially/up to/including/but not limited to/ the environment.  They'll cut us off from the rest of the world's supply, and sanction us to make sure we care about it.  They'll either completely eliminate the stream of cheap goods coming from Asian sweatshops or they'll tax us so much it'll be cheaper to hire the UAW, UMWA, and the Teamsters to do our bidding for high tops, laptops, halter tops, crop tops, and flip flops (let me know if I missed an obvious one).  For those of you who know nothing about American labor relations, these cats don't come cheap and don't respond as favorably to the whip as 8 year old Cambodian orphan boys.  The girls are sold into sex slavery for Bangkok brothels where responding favorably to the whip takes on an entirely different and tasteless connotation, but I digress...

It. Will.  Happen.  And when *that* half of America is whining about the good old days, and that their new Escalade is barely bigger than a John Deere, I'll sneer from the driver's seat of my small car, just like I do today, and proclaim, "I fucking told you so."

Suck it up.

Briefly:
--I'm supposed to be the sappy one (compared to my wife).  And I'm the one who does philosophical rants on LJ?  Is that weird to anyone else?

--My Maggie died.  I'll miss you, kitty kat.

--Not only am I putting my masculinity at risk by mourning about my cat in my blog, I have PICTURES!

Link of the now:
See it for the knowing.

Black.  Carpet.

You sons 'a bitches.

I can tell by the condition of the carpet in this house that care and maintenance weren't on the front of the previous owner's mind.  Without getting into too much disgusting detail, they let the dog do its thing anywhere.  They might have also done their thing anywhere, for all I know.  It was gross, and I say that having 3 more rooms to go in the carpet removal project.  One of which...

HAS BLACK MOTHERFUCKING CARPET!!!  Could you have been thinking AT ALL when you put this shit down?  I sure hope not.  Maybe it's just that it happens everywhere, and I only notice it in the black carpet bathroom upstairs, but it acts like velcro.  Every single piece of fuzz or fur or funk of unquestionable ilk clings to it like the vacuum is a UFO trying to abduct it.  It seriously takes me as long to sweep that room than the rest of the house in its entirety.  And as if that wasn't enough...

'Risha-pie, how long has it been since we took the carpet up?  I am STILL fighting with staples on the stairs.  Not a tack strip, oh no.  THAT would be too easy.  We had to STAPLE THE FUCKING CARPET RIGHT TO THE FUCKING OAK, GODDAMMIT!!!  And since the dog would pee wherever, those ferrous staples had a perfect source of moisture and salt to allow them to rust in place.  So when you tried to pull them out, *SNAP* goes half the staple.  Flush with the floor if you're lucky, otherwise you've got a wonderful tetanus trap awaiting an unlucky, barefoot pedestrian.

Other than that, it's been a great weekend.  Nice to have a 3-day weekend.  Been working at least 9 hour days for, shit, who knows how long now.

Since when does it snow on at the GoldBlue Game?  (this is the scrimmage held at the end of spring practice with proceeds to the WVU children's hospital... all together on the count of three... one, two, three, awwwwwwwwww)  I couldn't stop laughing at the snow, it was so damned absurd.

Have some laughing yourself with the Link of the Now, back from its eleventy threeve week hiatus!
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail80.html

"Here, honey. Hold this log 'til we get back to the house," instructed my wife as she thrust a fallen firewood log towards the passenger seat, halfway down the half-mile rocky, coal-ash-cindered road to my in-laws' place. The gorgeous weather that had already spoiled us left for the week, and apparently her father had cut one too many logs of firewood to keep everything inside the truck bed. So she decided to stop & pick it up. This being one of the few occasions when I was not obligated to drive, I got to hold the log. All I could think about was that my parents grew up in St. Louis. Probably not something they've done much of. Funny, not only that a city boy of city parents would end up in a situation like this, but that my Preston County woman is in the same room as I, both of us clacking away at our respective laptop keyboards, as we have spent many an evening together. Life ain't nuthin but a funny, funny riddle...

piss shit corruption snot.
ninety-nine assholes tied in a knot
yay rah lizzard shit.
fuck.

My father was a frat boy.  Sometimes I forget this historical fact for long periods of time.  Occasionally, and usually when I least expect it, he reminds me.  For instance, the recital of the above "cheer."  There was also the time when I was speaking of how my then girlfriend's residency in Cleveland seemed to be good for my allergies.  I remarked at how when I'm up there my sinuses aren't congested and he chimes in, with my mother present, "so when you come up for air you can actually breathe?"  I was speechless.  I could not come up with anything to follow that.  I'd like to think that if nothing else, I can "get back up on the horse" pretty quickly when I've been blindsided like that.  This time it was like, "I had a horse?!??"  I guess it just goes to show, you can take the man out of the fraternity...

I knew talking to my parents could make me feel better, I just didn't know it would be in this way.  I really do like my job at the help desk.  (where your bad planning is our emergency)  But if you have a printer to set up that IT delivers to you, why would you wait 3 months before you hook it up at the last minute?  Really, I don't care if this is an absolute drop dead make or break my ass is on the line and I'll take everyone else down with me moment for you.  You had all the time in the world and you need us to drop everything and fix your problem 15 minutes ago? 

Fuck.  Off. 

We'll call you back on Monday, goddammit.  So yeah.  After that garbage, and it wasn't even my call--I was just there to overhear & contribute where I could, I kinda needed that sage, parental wisdom to clear my head as it has done time and time again.  The call ends shortly after I'm cracking up at the poetic gold reproduced above.  I guess my parents have a "knack."  I guess I can see where I get my dignified and classy nature.  My wife says she's never had any doubt...

So anyway, I'll give you a sports update, since I seem to really like doing so.  Twelve years of the stinging open wound of a stolen victory were sewn up late last night.  Back in 1995, a talented young freshman saxophone major at WVU, destined for the relentless pursuit of mediocre tuba & trombone playing, bore witness to the agony of sports tragedy.  He turned his stomach inside out as he watched an 18 point second half WVU lead dwindle into a phantom foul call climaxed by a freakish tip-in.  UMass had tied the game, and won it in overtime.  They were ranked #1 in the country.  WVU... not so much.  Robbed, I tell you.  That phantom foul?  Didn't touch the guy.  Anyway, that was the last season WVU had in the A-10 conference, so no rematch.  The memory of that game has made me sick for over a decade.

Until last night.  WVU met up with UMass in the second round of the NIT.  I wasn't going home without a win.  I was gonna crawl into my gig bag turned cocoon, never to emerge until next season had things not turned out like they were supposed to.  It was pretty close to exactly how I wanted it.  There were times when it was in doubt, but WVU controlled the whole game.  The refs SUCKED.  Show them the same play 10 different times, you probably get 11 different calls.  Attendance?  Hello?  7,500 people for a post-season game?  The turnout SUCKED.  Love it anyway.  I can finally put some closure on 12 years of scarring, reflective frustration.

I hear some of you scowling at me, phooey on that.  It's not like I let it ruin my life.  Competitive sports are emotional.  If you're there, if you're into it, you feel it.  It can *change* you.  It's an emotional release, and it's healthy.  I like it.  So there.  Plbplbplbplbpht!

In other news, have you noticed Taco Bell service lately or is it just a WV thing?  They're actually implementing customer service in their work.  Think about it, how many other grub joints start the conversation with "how are you doing today?"  Service with a smile, ending the transaction with "have a nice weekend," and they say it like they *mean* it.  Maybe I'm not getting a representative sample, but I don't see anyone else doing that.  Such little things, but you know they make a big difference.  Sure, I like Taco Bell food anyway, but sometimes I want a burger.  Sometimes I can't decide if I want a burger or texamerimex.  If I'm of two minds there, I sure as hell ain't choosing the wahooss at Wendys.  Those rat bastards act like their pissed off at you for interrupting their thoughts about how much they hate their job.  Sorry to bother you, dude.  The Border gringos are much nicer to deal with, I'll go talk to them next time.

Dammit if they don't put crack in the Caramel Apple Empanadas...